#NaPoWriMo "Download"

i download distraction
pump up the volume another
7 decibels
fall into place
the space between
nuh-uh and non belief
impossible to disbelieve
just have faith
in the Force
im a Jedi Master
this I feel
the sun
runners
running on organics
i catch flights of fancy

caffeine
i drink

nonstop
got no time to stop

just pause on the road

my destination is as yet
unwritten

#NaPoWriMo My last apology

if beauty was wealth 

then you'd be rich

for a minute

until the covers fell off

until your hair thinned

until the costume wears out

because it's a gorgeous costume

it's a husk you despise

it is a mask you were given and don't want

but baby I see you

your eyes full of light

there are no innocent tongues here

the mask

it makes them want to get close

even though you can't hardly bear it

to touch

they want

to take care of 

to hold up

to admire 

and look at

but not to see

not to know

not to ask

or challenge

or change

but baby I see you

there are no pure hearts here

The ones who love you are the ones who want to hold you up

and me, like all the rest of your enemies, I dropped you. 

my baby fell, and I failed to run and catch her. 

Where were you Baby? Where were you when I needed you?

"uh..somehere else."

    #fuck

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me" 

"I needed you"

      "Im sorry"
"I needed you"

      "I'm sorry"

and on and on and on

#dumbassfailmantradontnoblackwomanwanttohearfromherman

fail one million times

#fuck

no one is hearing anything

if smart equalled money I'd be balling

i'm the smartest person I know

i make equations in the starlight

i can describe eternity

i see the patterns written in mist and whispers

i know it all

I have all the answers and I listen to no one

but myself. maybe God. certainly not you.

i'm dumbandlonelyandstupid and common sense evades me

i don't see all that I should

even when it's right in front of me

even when it spits in my eye

I don't see

but baby I see you

and I apologize

i begged and cried and pleaded

for the last time

there are no clear eyes here.

that husk is a poor reflection

i remember the nights we laughed and sang and danced and cooked and ate and watched scary movies. 

and the fights 

our life was a honeymoon

for me, that is

and I ache

not just because we broke loves back

but because baby we invited the destroyer to the party

and fed him and loved him

i mourn because 

it will be another lifetime

before I am that close to you again

and you made this one so sweet.

you were my sweet honey/my love, my love.

my butterfly

my hummingbird

my  Queen

maybe it has always been that way

we have certainly loved before, perhaps we will again

but not in this time

noone here is clean

but baby I see you

i have no good way to end this poem. this is my last apology.

#NaPoWriMo Springtime 13/30

Springtime

There are many, tiny pieces of your story. I find them scattered, written on fragments of speech, the way you time you take to talk.

 I pick up these small pieces, palm to pocket, and put them together in the quiet times we string together.

The sugar in your sweet smile, the smell of you on my hands, I sift you through my fingers....
I want to cast the stars around you and watch as the clouds gather at your feet.
I want to lay around and hold you the way the rivers wind themselves through the mountains.
You are my springtime...this is the season of renewal.

#NaPoWriMo descriptions of people i love

Peace,
I've been lagging on my #NaPoWriMo posts here, but not on my Facebook! So...I'll catch yall up.

descriptions of people I love

nigga got hands like hammers

hard and heavy

sandpapery and rough

and heavy

know he a working man 

 by the tough crush of hand

i aint that big 

on hand crushing

still

i grip his hand tight

nigga name sound dangerous

Damo

like.

short for “mind yo' mothafucking business”

back here 

over there. he

sold me some bullshit weed

back of the bar

in some city by the water, Baltimore or Philly

I can’t remember which

I needed to smoke to deal with 

that bullshit

poor though and Black

maybe it was Camden

she got bright purple hair 

and nails

everything done

Instagram Poppin

her shit fresh

but her kid 

is miserable

nose runny

snotty ass

kid with

socks but no shoes

or coat or bottle or snacks

Moms iPhone 6

68 degrees outside

is a betrayal

on my train,

a youngblood 

brown and beautiful

fly girlfriend who he will either marry or fuck over

or fuck over and marry later.

or marry and oh never mind

today they are in love

and today is today

they are young black and shiny

on the 38 Muni bus to the Movies in Japantown

sophisticated 

but still nervous

…please no cops

Love Language

I did not know that there was anyone else who spoke this language, had this sweet way of painting with words and images. You are a gift, a blessing to me.

I adore you.

You have a deep, deep sweetness waiting to spill out of you.
It rises in you like hot sap.

Enough of that

The quantum mechanics of spirit allow us to shadow one another to occupy the same

spaces at the same time, no matter how far apart my body is from yours my spirit is forever next to yours. I must be close to you always or I will be lost.
I will be next to you even when I am dust. Or else I will be lost.

An answer to my most secret and fervent prayers you are.
I wish I could consecrate the ground you walk on...but instead I pray

Birth

She said "From Struggle We Birth Miracles"
I laughed and said "Well then call me Jesus. God of Unconditional Love."
I named it and the Light Shone upon the Deep.
I called you Love, watched you turn into the Moon start spinning and stirring the Oceans.

The water of You is in my body.
Gave Life and Birth and Blood/First Breath all came from you.
My every heartbeat echoes You.
I Am Because We Are.

I knew you in the Beginning before Naming, We were there together.
I knew you.

Now we are many, shining like the stars.