doors. a poem for Baltimore and everywhere els

they say

we brought you here to work!

This place is not yours

all fancy free

busy shutting doors

so I knock and I wait

patiently and kindly while

you have your debate

“should we?”

some say

“nay”

say others

meanwhile, we are hungry

myself, my sisters and brothers

so I knock again

this time, a little more strength

the man answered the door

looking quite tense

“Um, please go stand over there and mind that fence”

“I guess you’ve been here for a while with me...how about twopence?”

I wait and I watch

but the door remains closed

Now the windows are shut.

I go back and I pound

The door opens a crack and out come the hounds

They tear at me

I run and then I attack

I’ve had enough of knocking politely on closed doors.

I’ve had enough of this wait to get what is mine.

I’m not tricked your sweet talks, the bribes, the lines.

I’ve put away distractions, the weed, the women, the sweet sweet wine.

Why do you treat me this way?

I know it’s because I am Black.

#NaPoWriMo "Divine Formulation"

If women=time 
and 
time=$$
and 
$$ is the root of all evil....
but 
i know
God=Love
and 
Love=Mama
then
Mama=God

#NaPoWriMo "Poem for Isabelle"

as beautiful as this love could be
as strong as we feel
as wonderful as these words are
they will not make it okay
will not draw you back to me
can’t convince you not to run back into
that firestorm

You will run toward it
because you are afraid of the not knowing
not knowing is the scariest part
more scarier
than anything
“oh I know you better than anybody”
and i knew you were telling me the fucking truth
and i can’t make you love me

#NaPoWriMo "Download"

i download distraction
pump up the volume another
7 decibels
fall into place
the space between
nuh-uh and non belief
impossible to disbelieve
just have faith
in the Force
im a Jedi Master
this I feel
the sun
runners
running on organics
i catch flights of fancy

caffeine
i drink

nonstop
got no time to stop

just pause on the road

my destination is as yet
unwritten

#NaPoWriMo "youngblood" 20/30

There’s blood in these
streets
Young blood
young
not even 20 times around the sun
somebodies grandbaby
i know because that’s all we could understand her say
“that’s my grandbaby”
“that” dead flesh not “he”
is my grandbaby
she chanted over and over
it’s my baby, grandbaby, thats my baby
over and over baby, mine, grandbaby, dead

I thought I could feel a spirit
struggle and twitch, hesitate
to free itself from the body

these streets got a lot
of blood on them
period blood
young girls getting their first while they on the stroll
getting pimped/abused/raped
blood of sex slave babies

a roomful of your daughter
provided rape victims numbers four, five and six.

Every night, a new one
Babygirl don’t even know where she is
he say he gon tell her Daddy that she didnt run away
He gon tell
and it hurts Daddy, it hurts

Daddy is what he said, not to me, but someone when he died
it’s what he said
and I can still taste
the cold blood in my mouth

every time I walk past that spot
cold corner
that fucking movie
planted on the sidewalk
motion frozen
holding all my memoris

I never lost one like that

youngblood on these streets
the blood on these blocks
is thick
is warm and sticky
and it smells of death

youngblood

#NaPoWriMo button 17/30

button

sis real tough
got her finger on that relationship “mute” button heavy
like quick
and she got a thing in her nightstand that keep her occupied most nights
and she keep it on her button
tough

but aint nothing better than arms and legs twined up
looking for the remote
the button to turn off the television
so i can kiss that button
on your belly
so you can kiss mine
lets tune in

#NaPoWriMo goons

goons

goon ass niggas

turn up

but is still just mostly scared little brown boys

grown muscles

learned how to knuckle up early

and scare square dudes

know where to stick that burner

in just the right places

some learn how to tuck packs of rocks

under nut sacks

clinch bags in crack of ass

these niggas used to be my youngbloods

young fireflies

my Young Lions

Shiny

Now they

young arsonists burning

Hunters, preying on daughters and sisters

who miss and wish for Daddy

but he ain’t coming

#NaPoWriMo Wake up

Wake Up

hey bright baby

you fresh to def

black beautiful and magnificent

shiny star

night bright

wake up time

right?

hey lady

wake up time she said

Lion King that you are

Big Fish that you are
Twin Star that I am

Sunrise

and some brightness

and something sweet

because i’ve been in the night

but today is today

#NaPoWriMo Prayers for gold and other treasures kept sacred

prayers for gold and other treasures kept sacred

Lord,

I pray that these little bits of gold, these slivers and chips of jewels I share with these babies are kept and stored somewhere safe.

Babies, store and hoard what I give you

so that

One Day

When

Their Enemies/Family/Friends

try to trick and trade them

for Wine/Weed/Likker/Powder and Pills

my babies can Resist.

I pray
Dear Sweet Lord the Holy Blood of Jesus the Christ

That you array all your Mighty Angels around them

so they can say something like

"nah bruh. See I got treasure stored up inside me, my dude."

"That weak game you got aint nothing but sweet lies, poison and bullshit"

"Miss me with that"

Amen

#NaPoWriMo My last apology

if beauty was wealth 

then you'd be rich

for a minute

until the covers fell off

until your hair thinned

until the costume wears out

because it's a gorgeous costume

it's a husk you despise

it is a mask you were given and don't want

but baby I see you

your eyes full of light

there are no innocent tongues here

the mask

it makes them want to get close

even though you can't hardly bear it

to touch

they want

to take care of 

to hold up

to admire 

and look at

but not to see

not to know

not to ask

or challenge

or change

but baby I see you

there are no pure hearts here

The ones who love you are the ones who want to hold you up

and me, like all the rest of your enemies, I dropped you. 

my baby fell, and I failed to run and catch her. 

Where were you Baby? Where were you when I needed you?

"uh..somehere else."

    #fuck

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me" 

"I needed you"

      "Im sorry"
"I needed you"

      "I'm sorry"

and on and on and on

#dumbassfailmantradontnoblackwomanwanttohearfromherman

fail one million times

#fuck

no one is hearing anything

if smart equalled money I'd be balling

i'm the smartest person I know

i make equations in the starlight

i can describe eternity

i see the patterns written in mist and whispers

i know it all

I have all the answers and I listen to no one

but myself. maybe God. certainly not you.

i'm dumbandlonelyandstupid and common sense evades me

i don't see all that I should

even when it's right in front of me

even when it spits in my eye

I don't see

but baby I see you

and I apologize

i begged and cried and pleaded

for the last time

there are no clear eyes here.

that husk is a poor reflection

i remember the nights we laughed and sang and danced and cooked and ate and watched scary movies. 

and the fights 

our life was a honeymoon

for me, that is

and I ache

not just because we broke loves back

but because baby we invited the destroyer to the party

and fed him and loved him

i mourn because 

it will be another lifetime

before I am that close to you again

and you made this one so sweet.

you were my sweet honey/my love, my love.

my butterfly

my hummingbird

my  Queen

maybe it has always been that way

we have certainly loved before, perhaps we will again

but not in this time

noone here is clean

but baby I see you

i have no good way to end this poem. this is my last apology.

#NaPoWriMo A Poem 'bout Jesus

A Poem 'bout Jesus

Unconditional love and being perfect 

will have you fucked up out here

Cause I love you unconditionally 

I have never bled this deep

never hit this hard

ugh

in my gut

over the top of my head

hit

knocked down

in the street

blood in my eyes

pushed down

choked of breath

cold blooded

stabbed in my side

nailed down and hoisted up

bullet holes

don’t burn like this

again and again

You kill me

because I love you

Just want to love you

You

burn me from my inside

my heart stops

and I die

but i’ll be back and you still won’t love me.

#NaPoWriMo if you knew me

if you knew me

if you knew me

then you could see me torn down

and rebuilding

you could see my feet planted

and jaw squared

and know I ain’t taking this

sitting down

you would see me rise.

#NaPoWriMo dead nig music

dead nig music

we shout these nigger

chants

like they black power anthems

like

i use my bitch like an atm card

like bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks

in love with the coco

like nigga you aint on my level

we killin ourselves

because our words are magic

have weight

we run this motherfucker

but we don’t know it

can’t see it

nigger music is full of death

and dead niggers

and bitches

and killers of niggers and black bitches

we commit to death

celebrate and toast to it

the darkness

but really we full of light

and mirth

the blues

gospel

psalms

..searching for Black Jesus

#NaPoWriMo beat me 11/30

beat me

you beat me

like hot steel

raw material. ore

refined. pounded into shape

sharp.shift

change I can

i am.

have to

change

#NaPoWriMo Springtime 13/30

Springtime

There are many, tiny pieces of your story. I find them scattered, written on fragments of speech, the way you time you take to talk.

 I pick up these small pieces, palm to pocket, and put them together in the quiet times we string together.

The sugar in your sweet smile, the smell of you on my hands, I sift you through my fingers....
I want to cast the stars around you and watch as the clouds gather at your feet.
I want to lay around and hold you the way the rivers wind themselves through the mountains.
You are my springtime...this is the season of renewal.

#NaPoWriMo descriptions of people i love

Peace,
I've been lagging on my #NaPoWriMo posts here, but not on my Facebook! So...I'll catch yall up.

descriptions of people I love

nigga got hands like hammers

hard and heavy

sandpapery and rough

and heavy

know he a working man 

 by the tough crush of hand

i aint that big 

on hand crushing

still

i grip his hand tight

nigga name sound dangerous

Damo

like.

short for “mind yo' mothafucking business”

back here 

over there. he

sold me some bullshit weed

back of the bar

in some city by the water, Baltimore or Philly

I can’t remember which

I needed to smoke to deal with 

that bullshit

poor though and Black

maybe it was Camden

she got bright purple hair 

and nails

everything done

Instagram Poppin

her shit fresh

but her kid 

is miserable

nose runny

snotty ass

kid with

socks but no shoes

or coat or bottle or snacks

Moms iPhone 6

68 degrees outside

is a betrayal

on my train,

a youngblood 

brown and beautiful

fly girlfriend who he will either marry or fuck over

or fuck over and marry later.

or marry and oh never mind

today they are in love

and today is today

they are young black and shiny

on the 38 Muni bus to the Movies in Japantown

sophisticated 

but still nervous

…please no cops